Counseling & Guidance

Scientific psychological studies have revealed a new epidemic brought by the cellphone revolution. Experts have dubbed this as Dependency on Phone Enslavement Syndrome, or in short DOPES. Don't risk yourself to exposure of this disease. Symptoms will include :

• Constant subconscious overlooking of your cellphone. Affected victim will apparently do this to check if the phone rang, even though the phone is clearly next to him/her and the ring tone is set to an annoying maximum level.
   
• Illogical and compulsive behavior to have their cellphone right next to them, no matter where, restaurant, while walking the dog, the bathroom, even in the office when there is a land-line phone sitting right on their table. The more pitiful victims are those that do not receive any call at all and still exhibit this behavior
   
• Accessorizing and customizing is a requirement for affected victims, starts out from simple changing of ringer tones, and gradually escalates, the seriously ill will go for psychedelic designs or pokemon characters to decorate their phone.  

So, don't be anther statistic of DOPES, keep that cell phone at bay. The cure is not easy any can be considered torture, the most effective method is a voluntary incarceration at an Amish farm. You don’t want that now, do you?

A proven treatment endorsed by NO-TOC is the Group Expression Therapy (and Learning If Friends Exists) center, also know as GETALIFE. Signup to GETALIFE today, the training will take 3 months to complete, and even though not all people will succeed, the success rate is high at 78%. Entry level participants will move from Phone-Addict to Phone-Liberated to finally not even knowing what a cell phone is anymore, which is known as Al Gore.

Picture depicting a person
suffering from DOPES

Special offer for users visiting our website, please buy one to support our movement, or just buy one if you like the monkey photo in the front.

Ethics to follow if you are a cellphone user :

• Keep from using annoying disco tunes or loud foghorn like ring tones to protect the peace of others around you. Use simple beep sounds and by all means keep the ringer volume down or people have the right to drag you to the middle of the street and shoot you mercilessly.
• If a call is received in front of company, it is advised to talk softly or refer to item #1 above on what will happen to you
• Your cellphone ringer should be turned off in situations like a meeting, interview, dinner, trying to split an atom … etc.
• Adhere to these simple rules or may god have mercy on you, NO-TOC strongly supports any mutilation and maiming to people that do not follow ethics when using their cellphone.